Welcome to the Acacia Tree,

This site holds an expression of parts of myself that needed and are still in the process of being acknowledged. It is a labor of inspiration and remembrance. I write mostly for myself, really, but there is also an impulse to share them with whomever they may also energize. Thus, The Acacia Tree is the beginning of an idea to create a space, for myself and others, to feel, heal and be nourished. A space that honors all the joys and pains on the path of awakening to our true selves. A space that honors the need for support while walking in your individual lane.

It took a long, long while before I worked up the courage to share these words, to send them out into the world. It is an ongoing process of reclaiming the parts of myself that were not allowed, for whatever reason, to be spoken aloud. If you can relate then, perhaps, the words written here will resonate with parts of you too.

These words, thoughts, stories, and poems are a part of my own personal journey. They are not new thoughts or ideas, and yet they are unique to me. It is not a chronological journey as life is more adventurous and challenging than that. Maybe some of these stories are from this timeline and others as gifts from ancestral realms or memories from other lives to be decoded here and now. All carrying its medicine. Some words or combinations of words will touch us so deeply that we may not realize it until later. Some of these I wrote years ago and then only years later, re-reading them can integrate the energy of the words within myself or am discovering a new layer of meaning that I was not aware of before. They are my memories, my shadows, my inspirations, my lessons, my gift.

You may notice too that certain themes seem to circle back into your life but then slightly differently, offering new perspectives, insights and deeper healing should you be open to seeing it. Of course, if you ignore the signs or resist them, they can come at you a bit harder. At least that is my experience. I have resisted many a lesson to avoid feeling the pain or taking full responsibility for my part in it. However, I have not given up, although I have wanted to more than once.

Words in the form of poetry started to flow through my pen after a crisis period, one of my dark nights of the soul so to speak. A choice to let go of a layer of resistance that revealed this forgotten ability. I like to write poetry because it seems to transcend logic and yet make perfect sense. The form carries intentions and feelings very well while being totally open to personal interpretation.

Life is not actually that logical anyway and certainly open to interpretation. I guess the path to remembrance is just as ambiguous. Both an unarranged chaos that is still divinely organized. Perhaps life is simply the journey to remembrance embodied and some things simply cannot be explained but must be allowed to touch our souls so that the life energy can begin to live and flow freely and fully through us. Maybe that is the purpose of our existence. What are your thoughts?

Perhaps you too remember moments of knowing this magic of all possibilities as a child but just slowly forgot as conformity was demanded of you. You acquiesced too because, well, your survival depended on it. That glittery sparkling magical-ness was stashed away somewhere deep inside while you did what was expected of you instead. For some of us that may have started at a very young age. In the end, the conformity gets the best of some of us, as we look for ways of being good enough. Did you know, though, that you are already good enough? Let that sink in for just a moment if you will. I am allowing this idea to sink in deep as well. I know that I myself have a lot of resistance in letting go of the story, the mask of who I thought I needed to be.

This does not mean that there is nothing to do. You are obviously here, not just here on this blog, but here on earth for a reason. I have been ruminating on this idea for quite some time now and it was not to care for my parent’s unmet needs or to only experience pain and disappointment. Although pain seems to be a good catalyst for growth- if we do not get stuck in it. I tend to wallow in mine even though I know it is not very fruitful. Setting boundaries is a challenge for me also within myself. Step by step I am becoming the warrior of my own light.

Pain can also be passed down, so if your parents have unmet issues then you will have some uncomfortable things to face, if you have chosen or have been chosen to break the generational patterns. It seems to be in the confusing and powerless feeling moments of our childhood that we make important life decisions about ourselves that then form the path we travel. Mostly we are no longer conscious of those decisions we made as children or the choices we are making now based on those decisions. Those decisions, whisper to us from the shadows of our psyche, influencing our lives disguised as our own thoughts. That inner child is the looking glass through which we perceive and move in this world. The world the mirror, showing us what needs attention. It can get challenging when you are an adult making important life decisions based on the perceptions of an angry or frightened four -year- old without knowing. And even more challenging to heal those parts.

Many of us did not get the confirmation, support or coaching from our caregivers to understand the feelings that we were having in the young stages of our lives. Most likely we learned to deny and suppress our own inner knowing and feelings in order to please our caregivers. Being our authentic selves became a source of shame, and we disassociated ourselves from our dream source and developed a persona, or more than one, to be acceptable to the environment we were born into. This is true for me. I am not blaming my parents (although I did go through that phase as well as blaming everything and everyone). I have compassion for them as they did not get their childhood needs met either and carried their own pain. In fact, many of us were raised by wounded children. When you were just being your curious, lovely child self, it triggered that part of them that was not allowed to be lovely and free when they were children. This led them to shut you down in the same way they were shut down. If you need a reminded, that thing that you think is wrong with you, may be your superpower! That power can be reclaimed only when we take full responsibility for our own lives. That is the hard shit, taking responsibility for trauma that did not start with you but can certainly end with you.

Taking full responsibility for your life, and to rescue your playful, dancing inner child, is not for the faint of heart. It is an act of true love which many of us have never actually experienced in its purity. It is a process of descending into the hidden parts of yourself. A sinking into the depth of your psyche and pulling it up into the light where it belongs and allowing it to integrate into the wholeness of you. It is a worthwhile journey, I am promised. I find myself right in the thick of this process and the joyful, dancing child has yet to reveal herself completely. I am a work in progress too.

Starting this blog is another step to authentic living for me. A chance to connect with my creative energy. It connects me with my heart. I have kept her under lock and key for a long time to protect her from pain. However, being closed off from that pain also means being closed off from great happiness. My playful spirit has been held hostage underneath all the pain, conditioning, beliefs, programming, fear, generational karma, ancestral fear, and fallacy etc. In order to free it, I had to go where I was avoiding going and face it.

You cannot think yourself through it. You cannot intellectually understand yourself through it. Believe me, I have tried (and still try sometimes) but it does not get me where I want to go. Actually it brings me back into the realm of the old patterns that no longer work and that I long decided to break. There is really no short cut. The only way is through. What that looks like is for each one of us unique. There is no ”one size fits all” way. However, we can help, uplift, inspire, trigger each other on our way. These works are my contribution.

Do you remember the time when you decided you could not take up space. You took it personally when it had nothing to do with you at all. Or that time as a child you were met met with anger and frustration instead of the much-needed hug of reassurance. These memories are where the healing lies.

Although we have been conditioned to believe that our bodies can deceive us or cause us to abandon our values. This is far from the truth. Our body is caring for us, keeping us alive, and is a library of memories and wisdom if you are willing to listen. The body will let you know that something in your life needs attention. It may show up as a pimple or a headache or something much more serious if we do not heed the signs. If you do heed the signs, the body will need to release the tension. How you do that and what that looks like is personal. Perhaps some help is needed from someone who understands this process. Thankfully, I had such patient and caring support though it was much later in my life.

I shed a lot of tears too. My couch got a good beating as well as I worked through some of my deep-seated rage. I also had some coaching around anger as this emotion was and is one of the more difficult ones for me to allow. Energy and emotions need to move and after being stagnate for awhile it probably won’t be very comfortable at first. Maybe even scary. We are like rivers and you know what happens when water does not flow. You will have to find a way to rest your mind though, during this flowing and moving and letting go process. Your mind will tell you how weird or crazy you are. That is just conditioning, the old program being disarmed. It will take some effort because those old patters are tricky and sticky.

I hope the words on this site inspire you to speak your truth too. However, that needs to take form. It is easier said than done, of course, because of those unseen energies and thought forces that keep us from taking that next step. I have been listening to them for years, waiting for something outside of me to change or to save me from myself. Listening to the thoughts from the shadow that told me I was not good enough or that I don’t have the right credentials, or there are other people who do it better and so on. All the excuses that kept me tethered to my old life before taking that unfathomable leap, that seems impossible or dangerous and may even feel life threatening.

I am here to remind you again that the only thing threatened is the old you or the people who will miss the old you because they will also have to step up and out. If you feel into that, you will inner-stand that nothing threatens your life more than not being your authentic self so shake up that status quo and step into you-one step at a time.

Please be warned that your emotions may be triggered when you read the work on this website, because I was while writing them, as I said they are personal. I hope you take the time to feel into whatever comes up for you.

Perhaps you will feel sadness or grief. Perhaps you will feel irritated or angry or ashamed. Perhaps you will be reminded of an instance, a time or place or person. Maybe you will feel offended, or a belief will be challenged. Perhaps you will be teleported to a happy, magical dream space. Perhaps you will feel inspiration and joy. Or maybe you do not like what you read at all. Let it all just be. I invite you to not think about it too much but to feel into it, let the words resonate like music and see where they land.

If you visit the safety of the Acacia Tree once or multiple times, I am grateful. Should you wish to share what comes up for you, I invite you to leave a comment or send an email. I would love to hear your experiences.

Remember, you are not alone. Although your experience is unique to only you, we are all connected and what you heal has a rippling affect.

Thank you for being here and thank you for your courage to live full.